This is actually my second blog page. I started another up, but after some thought, I decided I wanted to retitle it to match up with a current note I wrote on my facebook.
For those of you coming here for the first time, I do just consider myself an average woman. I don't have extraordinary talents, nothing that would bring me into the spotlight or make me famous. I can sometimes make a really pretty cake, or bake an awesome cheesecake (thanks to my friend Dianna's recipe), I get really lucky now and then by snapping an awesome picture or getting really creative and producing a great video. But, for the most part, I'm not the most beautiful, the most talented, or the best dressed woman in the room. (Most of the time I am the tallest though!)
In spite of my averageness, I think there are some great things about me. My faith in God, my relationship with my husband, my commitment to my friends, my dedication to my family, my creativity...and yes, there are things about me that I consider to be faults...not going to dwell on those in this particular blog, but I will hit on them at some other time.
I really really love my husband. I think that he and I were totally created to be married to each other. I believe that we are a great team and a positive example to others. We are certainly not perfect and have room for improvement, as does any couple, but overall, we have a good thing going on.
I am going to talk about the twins in my next blog. Going to go a little deeper about the background leading up to this time in my life.
Well, that's just my brief introduction...I am who I am and that's all that I am. Better yet, to quote one of my favorite authors/speakers/ministers "I am not, but I know I AM" and that's all that matters.
Monday, February 28, 2011
A new kind of journaling
I'm thinking of starting a blogging website. Actually, I already set one up. I haven't entered any blog journal yet though. I'm not really sure what to say in it.
I've read other people's blogs and they sound so artsy or insightful in their writings. I feel like I'm just an average woman who: genuinely loves her husband, is really satisfied with her life, would like to make some new positive changes in some areas of her life-yet knows that everything will be okay if she doesn't, is crazy about a couple babies and is eager to see what the future holds in her relationship with them.
I'm just an average, ordinary, "normal" woman. maybe, in today's world, that would make me somewhat extraordinary. I don't have any crazy stories to share, no evil skeletons lurking in my closet, no horrible childhood memories that I've repressed, no negative comments to make about my husband...no old demons lurking around...it's just---me.
If that's the case, how in the world would I ever find daily, or even weekly, information to blog about? Who in the world would be interested in reading anything I would have to say? "The everyday average life of a somewhat normal woman"...
I guess the common theme right now would be regarding the babies. God has taken Dan and me through a valley and personal torment of infertility into an amazing and bright promise of a future that includes children who would call ME mommy. Imagine it...two (or three...more?!?) kids in my home who look to me for guidance, protection, education, provision and the name that they call me? Mommy. It's something that I've only dreamed of, never believed would happen, but at the same time knew it would. It's hard to explain.
I never pictured that it would happen in such a wonderful, yet horrible and stressful way. I never thought two beautiful infants would be set in my arms with such hope and promise...but with this dark cloud of "what-if" always looming nearby.
My head tells me to protect myself..."your assignment may only be temporary"...don't dive in too deep...but, my heart is already gone. It's been given away to these precious children who deserve EVERYTHING that Dan and I could ever offer. My heart refuses to believe that anything other than us being their mommy and daddy could happen....but my head tells me "stay prepared for the worst"
Our families love them and have already adopted them. I cannot bear to think of the devastation that not only Dan and i would experience, but our parents, siblings, and friends who've decided that these kids are our prayers answered.
How do we continue in this relationship with such a cloud of uncertainty hanging overhead? It all becomes so much clearer when you hold them and they "talk" to you, or when she's fussy and you quietly sing a silly song and she not only hears but KNOWS your voice and her fussing calms, she smiles and closes her eyes. Or when from across the room you say "where's my handsome boy?" and his eyes scan the room until he sees you and his little sounds say "I love you". Then, of course, there's the projectile spit-up....but that kind of takes away from the sweet euphoric picture I'm trying to paint.
I love them, they know me, they love us back with the capability of an infant and THAT is what keeps us going down the path. I truly believe that God would not have chosen us to travel it, along with the Rockeys :), if He did not believe that we'd have the strength to endure-not only the journey-but also the outcome.
Well, today I write a note in facebook, maybe tomorrow I'll type on my blog. Maybe I do have something to say...
Habakkuk 2:1-3
1-I will climb up to my watchtower and stand at my guardpost. There I will wait to see what the Lord says and how he will answer my complaint.
2-Then the Lord said to me, "Write my answer plainly on the tablets, so that a runner can carry the correct message to others.
3-This vision is for a future time. It describes the end, and it will be fulfilled. If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed.
I've read other people's blogs and they sound so artsy or insightful in their writings. I feel like I'm just an average woman who: genuinely loves her husband, is really satisfied with her life, would like to make some new positive changes in some areas of her life-yet knows that everything will be okay if she doesn't, is crazy about a couple babies and is eager to see what the future holds in her relationship with them.
I'm just an average, ordinary, "normal" woman. maybe, in today's world, that would make me somewhat extraordinary. I don't have any crazy stories to share, no evil skeletons lurking in my closet, no horrible childhood memories that I've repressed, no negative comments to make about my husband...no old demons lurking around...it's just---me.
If that's the case, how in the world would I ever find daily, or even weekly, information to blog about? Who in the world would be interested in reading anything I would have to say? "The everyday average life of a somewhat normal woman"...
I guess the common theme right now would be regarding the babies. God has taken Dan and me through a valley and personal torment of infertility into an amazing and bright promise of a future that includes children who would call ME mommy. Imagine it...two (or three...more?!?) kids in my home who look to me for guidance, protection, education, provision and the name that they call me? Mommy. It's something that I've only dreamed of, never believed would happen, but at the same time knew it would. It's hard to explain.
I never pictured that it would happen in such a wonderful, yet horrible and stressful way. I never thought two beautiful infants would be set in my arms with such hope and promise...but with this dark cloud of "what-if" always looming nearby.
My head tells me to protect myself..."your assignment may only be temporary"...don't dive in too deep...but, my heart is already gone. It's been given away to these precious children who deserve EVERYTHING that Dan and I could ever offer. My heart refuses to believe that anything other than us being their mommy and daddy could happen....but my head tells me "stay prepared for the worst"
Our families love them and have already adopted them. I cannot bear to think of the devastation that not only Dan and i would experience, but our parents, siblings, and friends who've decided that these kids are our prayers answered.
How do we continue in this relationship with such a cloud of uncertainty hanging overhead? It all becomes so much clearer when you hold them and they "talk" to you, or when she's fussy and you quietly sing a silly song and she not only hears but KNOWS your voice and her fussing calms, she smiles and closes her eyes. Or when from across the room you say "where's my handsome boy?" and his eyes scan the room until he sees you and his little sounds say "I love you". Then, of course, there's the projectile spit-up....but that kind of takes away from the sweet euphoric picture I'm trying to paint.
I love them, they know me, they love us back with the capability of an infant and THAT is what keeps us going down the path. I truly believe that God would not have chosen us to travel it, along with the Rockeys :), if He did not believe that we'd have the strength to endure-not only the journey-but also the outcome.
Well, today I write a note in facebook, maybe tomorrow I'll type on my blog. Maybe I do have something to say...
Habakkuk 2:1-3
1-I will climb up to my watchtower and stand at my guardpost. There I will wait to see what the Lord says and how he will answer my complaint.
2-Then the Lord said to me, "Write my answer plainly on the tablets, so that a runner can carry the correct message to others.
3-This vision is for a future time. It describes the end, and it will be fulfilled. If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed.
originally posted 12/8/08
What do I want to say about the babies today?
Amy and Daniel are both doing great. They are growing and are starting to show a little of what their personalities may eventually be like. Daniel is playful and patient and loves to laugh when we sing "happy and you know it". Amy is a bit more serious and thoughtful and not patient at all!
Progress is still being made toward us eventually becoming a permanent family, but we still have awhile to wait. We met with our case worker last Friday to get the process started. We have bunch of paperwork to fill out, forms to get in order, questionairres to answer...if only everyone had to do this before they could even have children. It would definitely weed out the people who are serious about parenthood and those who just don't deserve the blessing at all.
That being said, we're looking at approximately 4-6 months before all of our paperwork and homestudies will be done, and hopefully at that point custody can be moved from Stephen and Regina to us and the proceed forward from there.
It is so weird finding yourself in a position you've always dreamed of, but where you never thought you'd be. Dan asked me today if I like being a mommy and all I can say is that I've never felt more fulfilled ever in my life. I cannot believe how much I love those babies. I cannot believe the contentment I feel when Dan is home and we're both just sitting on the couch feeding the kids. How perfect and complete our marriage feels. Which brings me to another thing Dan asked recently. It was later in the evening and we were giving them their last bottles for the night. He looked at me and I at him and he asked "So is this how you always pictured it?" I started giggling and said "This is nothing like I pictured it." Even though I never imagined it this way, I cannot see any picture but us and these beautiful kids.
Dan is great with them...he's a big ol' softy. It takes nothing for them to make him tear up. It's very sweet and heart warming and I am just praying that our new vision for our family comes to complete fruition.
Ok, there ya go...that's what I want to say about the babies today. Thank you Dianna for prompting me to do so. :)
Progress is still being made toward us eventually becoming a permanent family, but we still have awhile to wait. We met with our case worker last Friday to get the process started. We have bunch of paperwork to fill out, forms to get in order, questionairres to answer...if only everyone had to do this before they could even have children. It would definitely weed out the people who are serious about parenthood and those who just don't deserve the blessing at all.
That being said, we're looking at approximately 4-6 months before all of our paperwork and homestudies will be done, and hopefully at that point custody can be moved from Stephen and Regina to us and the proceed forward from there.
It is so weird finding yourself in a position you've always dreamed of, but where you never thought you'd be. Dan asked me today if I like being a mommy and all I can say is that I've never felt more fulfilled ever in my life. I cannot believe how much I love those babies. I cannot believe the contentment I feel when Dan is home and we're both just sitting on the couch feeding the kids. How perfect and complete our marriage feels. Which brings me to another thing Dan asked recently. It was later in the evening and we were giving them their last bottles for the night. He looked at me and I at him and he asked "So is this how you always pictured it?" I started giggling and said "This is nothing like I pictured it." Even though I never imagined it this way, I cannot see any picture but us and these beautiful kids.
Dan is great with them...he's a big ol' softy. It takes nothing for them to make him tear up. It's very sweet and heart warming and I am just praying that our new vision for our family comes to complete fruition.
Ok, there ya go...that's what I want to say about the babies today. Thank you Dianna for prompting me to do so. :)
originally posted 10/27/08
Another day with babies
Today has been a good day with the twins. They pretty well timed out their naps and feeding times, making it very easy for me to take care of them by myself.
Daniel, overall, is a sweet and patient baby boy...always allowing his sister, who we have deemed "the princess", to be taken care of first. Amy is very high maintenance! It's not burdensome (usually...) , but it does seem she's always wanting or needing something and is not very content being awake and not being held.
For the most part, they were sweet and considerate, giving me some time to get the kitchen cleaned, 2 loads of laundry done, dinner prepared and the trash taken out. Aren't they sweet?
I'm thankful that Amy has not had any projectile episodes today. Yesterday, she did not hold down anything I fed her. By 8:00pm she had hardly held anything down and had hardly slept since 3:00am. I felt so bad for the princess. Today, she's slept well and has eaten like a champ.
Right now, it's about 5:30 and both are fed, changed and napping again. Dan just told me that he won't be home for dinner, so I'm wondering what to do with all that marinated chicken in the fridge :) ! I will be taking the twins back "home" in about 30minutes or so. Then I'll have a quiet evening until Dan's home from his ministry thing at church.
I'm not sure why I am writing all of this down...this sort of just became pretty much like a diary. I don't know if I was going to get insightful, or just put my day in writing...
My favorite "baby moment" of the day was when I checked in on them and Amy was snoozing, but Daniel was awake. He was just laying there staring at the ceiling, not fussing or anything, as I stepped up beside him, his eyes shifted over to me and he just smiled that big 'ol jack-o-lantern smile of his. It made me laugh and I just had to pick him up and kiss his chubby cheeks and hug him. Makes you feel good when someone is that happy to see you right after they wake up.
Daniel, overall, is a sweet and patient baby boy...always allowing his sister, who we have deemed "the princess", to be taken care of first. Amy is very high maintenance! It's not burdensome (usually...) , but it does seem she's always wanting or needing something and is not very content being awake and not being held.
For the most part, they were sweet and considerate, giving me some time to get the kitchen cleaned, 2 loads of laundry done, dinner prepared and the trash taken out. Aren't they sweet?
I'm thankful that Amy has not had any projectile episodes today. Yesterday, she did not hold down anything I fed her. By 8:00pm she had hardly held anything down and had hardly slept since 3:00am. I felt so bad for the princess. Today, she's slept well and has eaten like a champ.
Right now, it's about 5:30 and both are fed, changed and napping again. Dan just told me that he won't be home for dinner, so I'm wondering what to do with all that marinated chicken in the fridge :) ! I will be taking the twins back "home" in about 30minutes or so. Then I'll have a quiet evening until Dan's home from his ministry thing at church.
I'm not sure why I am writing all of this down...this sort of just became pretty much like a diary. I don't know if I was going to get insightful, or just put my day in writing...
My favorite "baby moment" of the day was when I checked in on them and Amy was snoozing, but Daniel was awake. He was just laying there staring at the ceiling, not fussing or anything, as I stepped up beside him, his eyes shifted over to me and he just smiled that big 'ol jack-o-lantern smile of his. It made me laugh and I just had to pick him up and kiss his chubby cheeks and hug him. Makes you feel good when someone is that happy to see you right after they wake up.
originally posted 9/2/08
In the Wee Small Hours of the Morning
So, the babies stayed the night last night and it was a really good night. Amy slept a really long time, and Daniel was just sweet.
My favorite part of the night was really around 6:30 this morning though. Amy woke up and I carried her to the kitchen to make her bottle. Dan was asleep on the couch with Daniel resting on his chest and they were both so quiet and peaceful. I finished making her bottle and went back to the bedroom where there was just a light glow coming from the walk-in closet into the bedroom and fed her. I turned to where she would be able to see my face and talked to her while she took her bottle. She just stared at me with her big round eyes.
I tell her all the time that she's my "bootiful" girl, so I was whispering it to her and when I pulled her bottle out to burp her she smiled so big...that big, open mouth, toothless smile with her lips all covered with formula...it was beautiful...and suddenly the fact that she woke me up crying didn't matter and I was thankful for the quiet, the low light glow and this precious little girl that I was getting to hold and feed in the wee, small hours of the morning...when the whole world was fast asleep...
My favorite part of the night was really around 6:30 this morning though. Amy woke up and I carried her to the kitchen to make her bottle. Dan was asleep on the couch with Daniel resting on his chest and they were both so quiet and peaceful. I finished making her bottle and went back to the bedroom where there was just a light glow coming from the walk-in closet into the bedroom and fed her. I turned to where she would be able to see my face and talked to her while she took her bottle. She just stared at me with her big round eyes.
I tell her all the time that she's my "bootiful" girl, so I was whispering it to her and when I pulled her bottle out to burp her she smiled so big...that big, open mouth, toothless smile with her lips all covered with formula...it was beautiful...and suddenly the fact that she woke me up crying didn't matter and I was thankful for the quiet, the low light glow and this precious little girl that I was getting to hold and feed in the wee, small hours of the morning...when the whole world was fast asleep...
originally posted on 8/25/08
Going back in time
I have decided to combine all of the blogs I started and put them into one blog in the order I typed them. My goal is to have a running record of my process through infertility, adoption and parenthood. After 20 years of battling infertility, God answered our prayers and placed in our lives the most beautiful twins ever.
Daniel and Amy were born 12 weeks early and weighed only 4 pounds combined. We met them when they were just over 2 months old and they were still SO tiny. They were on heart and lung monitors for many months. The process has been long and I don't have the time to list everything now...so I will begin to copy and paste my other entries in my other sites and then bring everything up to date.
I chose the name of this blog based on the Bible verse:
Habakkuk 2:1-3
1-I will climb up to my watchtower and stand at my guardpost. There I will wait to see what the Lord says and how he will answer my complaint.
2-Then the Lord said to me, "Write my answer plainly on the tablets, so that a runner can carry the correct message to others.
3-This vision is for a future time. It describes the end, and it will be fulfilled. If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed.
1-I will climb up to my watchtower and stand at my guardpost. There I will wait to see what the Lord says and how he will answer my complaint.
2-Then the Lord said to me, "Write my answer plainly on the tablets, so that a runner can carry the correct message to others.
3-This vision is for a future time. It describes the end, and it will be fulfilled. If it seems slow in coming, wait patiently, for it will surely take place. It will not be delayed.
So, I am up in my watchtower waiting to see how God answers our prayers. I'm pretty excited about all that has happened and all that is to come....
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